My Dear Dimitri,
From what I’ve heard, you are having a pretty good week. For this I am grateful, and more importantly overjoyed on your behalf. You deserve happiness, my love, more than any man I have ever known before. I do not know what has caused this joy in you, but it does not matter so long as it brings you peace.
I am still afraid that the place I hold in your life will never be by your side. Call it lack of self-confidence, foolishness, or just a cynical nature. It is amazing how I can write such inspiring things to you but I cannot even follow my own advice. You deserve so much better than a broken-down child like me. And yet you are so umbelievably kind that it almost kills me to be near you.
I wish you would make up your mind as to where I belong. And I wish more than anything that I had the courage to outright ask you. But I am a coward who hides behind her letters and prays you won’t question my motives.
I have taken a new motto on your behalf, which I plan to get tattooed on my arm so I never forget it: Sempai Uber Alles. It is a strange motto, part Japanese, part German. A mutt like both you and I, so I suppose it is fitting after all. It means “My Lord Above All.”
I am not your slave, nor would I ever want to be. But everything I have done since the day we met has been to bring us closer together, and to put me in a position to bring you happiness. You are my top priority, even holding prescidence over my own happiness.
But I have said those words before. I have learned so much since then.
I will gladly suffer for you. But I will not forget to rejoice for you as well. I would cry on your behalf. But I also want to laugh with you. I will struggle and fight for you. But I will not forget to prevail for you also.
Most importantly: I would die for you.
But I am not afraid to live for you if that is what will bring you joy. No matter what, I will be there to carry you as far as I can.